I Am Healing, So Why Am I Unhappy?

For many people, psychedelic healing is a last bastion of hope for relief from severe, and even lifelong, symptoms. They offer an incredible opportunity to engage with a deep dive into issues, receive profound revelations into the nature of the problems we face, and help to gently create motivation to deal with or face those problems. For many individuals, psychedelic healing also offers experiences of joy, happiness, and a new found sense of self. 

There is a challenging phenomenon that can occur within the stages of healing, and specifically healing with psychedelics. This phenomenon is that of feeling better, receiving insights, and then suddenly finding yourself back in the exact state of struggling that you started out in. The frustration that can accompany an incident like this should not be understated, and can seriously derail treatment progress and belief in its efficacy. This is why it is so important to conceptually understand this phenomenon before beginning the intensive work that is psychedelic assisted therapy.

After putting in the work and beginning to feel better, some individuals may rebound into old patterns and begin to experience the exact same challenges that brought them to this work in the first place. In many ways this can be unpleasant and upsetting, but in this type of healing work we can choose to look at this as a unique opportunity. Oftentimes, in psychedelic healing, we are given insights and new ways to relate to challenging thoughts or emotions, release built up energy surrounding these issues, and begin to find relief. The relief that people find is ironically the reason that symptoms and patterns can rebound in full force. After processing traumas, releasing negative beliefs/experiences, or clearing out substantially built up mental energy, the nervous system now has the opportunity to process and examine the challenging symptoms it has been generating.

Think of yourself as a biological computer, your physical body holds the programming capacity to process your environment both internally and externally. Throughout life, we accumulate a variety of programs based on our internal and external experiences. The ways we view ourselves, how we view others, the thoughts and emotions we experience, the things we know how to do, all of these are programmed and recorded via the  processing power of the nervous system of a biocomputer. Challenging mental health symptoms, such as depression and anxiety, are programs that were written in order to respond to some internal or external stimuli. The challenge being that if these programs are not allowed to run their course (through sitting with and processing difficult thoughts/emotions) they tend to get stuck and repeated by the nervous system/biocomputer in an attempt to regulate the response. This can carry on for hours, days, or years, all in an effort to achieve homeostasis after challenging internal/external events. As these programs begin to perpetuate, they develop deeper programs that in turn write other programs, as if a computer figured out how to code itself. When these programs become independent of our conscious minds, they build up and persist, sometimes indefinitely, in forms such as belief systems about oneself, the world, or how one operates within the world.

Psychedelics offer an opportunity to process all varieties of these programs in a safe emotional/mental environment, which when they are processed, relieves processing requirements on the entire biocomputer and will thus reduce symptoms. The challenging part that can occur is that as space is cleared up from the day to day symptoms, more deeply seeded programs and repressed emotions/thoughts can surface in the following days/months now that the system has more of a capacity to process these things. This can feel terrible as the intention of using these medicines is healing, and a return of symptoms can feel like a lack of progress. It is in fact the exact opposite. By choosing to enter these states of healing and clearing, we are allowing the roots of our issues to be presented to the conscious mind and finally able to be worked on.The presentation of the roots of our issues can result in symptoms returning, and feelings that progress has been lost, however it can be interpreted as a sign that you are now ready to face and process these deep seeded emotions/thoughts.

The frustration and sadness that can accompany the return of symptoms is challenging, but if taken as a sign of progress, and viewed through a non judgmental lens, we can begin to notice the changes that are possible. There is no magic cure for mental health ailments, and psychedelics should certainly not be painted as such, however when used as a resource and support, they can provide bountiful opportunities for healing. The challenge is in not directing that process, or expecting certain outcomes, but by relaxing into the process and allowing it to flow naturally. If it takes you back to experiencing the very reasons that you began this journey, that means that you are now more prepared to face and process those challenges, and are on the road to healing.